Operation LMR: Classified

Ok, we're all set. Tonight is the night. Here are the plans.

Received.

And you know what you're doing?

Yes.

Through the car park and in as we discussed?

Yes. I've got it all written down. Been Googling the blighters.

And you know how important this is?

Yes.

Good luck. Don't mess up.

You'd better have a stupendous amount of gold for me.

Done?

Done.

Sure?

Yep. I'm a thief, aren't I? It's what I do.

Easy?

Yep. When do I get my money?

Soon. Messy?

Bit. See.

Never burp when you're tunnelling.

That looks excessive. Not exactly subtle.

It was a lot bigger than you made out.

What do you mean 'bigger'?

Well if I had to do it again (which I wouldn't so don't ask, unless there's even more ridiculous amounts of gold for me) I'd have reinforced the tunnels a bit to get more headroom.

Headroom?

Yes, bless my bum-flap it took a lot of digging to get us out of there.

You'd better be paying me well for this.

So much for not leaving any obvious evidence.

You try it next time.

No thanks, that's why I sent you, although I did have my doubts. I've done some simple internet searches, it looks like some busybody eyewitnesses are posting videos and photos … http://www.findthatllama.co.uk. They are even running the story on Nickelodeon.

Oh. Took some pics of the animals when I was there as the sun came up, see.

Nice. More evidence.

Is it somewhere safe now?

Yes – ready for you to collect when the mud has settled. But I want my gold now. Actually we've become quite good friends.

What is that? Did you mean to send that? Don't get too attached. That animal is mine.

I know.

It looks like things are getting more serious. The zoo has put out a statement.

Bound to happen.

But they seem to be covering up the truth – they're talking about the wrong animal!

What do you mean?

Well I wonder if they didn't really want the story getting out, so they've released the wrong details.

I'm not with you.

We should move the animal somewhere safe asap.

Agreed. And I want my money.

Put the animal in a bag and meet me tomorrow morning at the usual place. You'll get your money.

A bag? What kind of bag were you thinking?

Anything, just make it subtle.

Subtle? You really have lost it. How something like that in or out of a bag ever be subtle??

As long as it doesn't wriggle too much, I'm sure you can manage it. Fear not, my pungent friend.

Whatever you say, Mud Boy.

All set? We meet in one hour. I'll have your gold if you bring the monkey.

Ha, is that a secret code?

What are you talking about, Mulch? This isn't the time.

Why did you say monkey?

Seriously stop messing about. Lemurs are a species of monkey. That's why you had to go to Twycross – The World Primate Centre.

Hmm, is a lemur different to a llama?

YES! That's why I've been confused by all the news reports. WHAT. HAVE. YOU. DONE?

Well I scribbled down all the details on a bit of paper, but I kind of lost it along the way. I could have sworn you said llama.

No you idiot, LEMUR. I WANT A LEMUR. NOT A LLAMA.

Ah. What on earth am I going to do with this llama?

That is NOT my problem. I knew I shouldn't have trusted you with something so important.

I might have found a use for the llama. Promotional work!

Idiot. Have you got any idea how important this is?

Um, Happy April Fowl's Day?

Look loads of people like llamas. www.findthatllama.co.uk

You there??? Loser. I love llamas!